Bangkok blues.

I’ve said all of my tearful good-byes.

I booked the flights.

I fought with the LAX wifi and lost.

I successfully navigated the foreign airports.

I found my bags. I found my driver.

I’m in Bangkok.  I’m sitting on my bed looking out of the window in Bangkok..

And I’m crying my eyes out.

Cute, right?

The entire (traffic-ridden) ride from the airport to the hotel, I was so amazed at my new surroundings. I watched girls ride side-saddle on the back of motorbike taxis, using their hands to hold their purses and eat delicious-looking beef-sticks like it was second nature to them.

I saw street vendors, advertisements, industrial-looking buildings, in English and in Thai.

I saw people, and cars. And people in cars and in the backs of trucks and just SO MUCH TRAFFIC.

And I was so amazed at myself for even being here.  For the first time in my life I made a decision to do something challenging and I stuck with it.  I am so proud of myself and it’s only day one.

But I’m still sitting on this bed, crying. I want to hug Mary. I want to call my mom. I want to rub my hand all over Kam’s beard.  I want so badly to do all of these things that I just can’t.

So yes, this is amazing. Yes, I’m excited. Yes I can’t wait to go explore…but this is freakin’ hard. And I know that I’m going to be crying myself to sleep for the next couple nights, at least, and then sporadically over the next few months.

My positive takeaway for the day, is that I’m confident in the fact that I will be coming home to you all as a better me.  And that’s worth a little heartache.  The days will turn to weeks, and the weeks to months.  And I will be home before I know it.

I just have to survive this swollen eye-filled, keep-checking-my-phone-but-he-can’t-even-text-me adjustment period.  Wish me luck!