The Unpacking of a Suitcase

Well, it’s four weeks into my time in Bangkaeo, and I finally managed to unpack my suitcase and organize my things. If you know me at all, this should come as no surprise… procrastination of all things (primarily things to do with cleaning) is basically my middle name. I’ve finally sorted baskets for clothes, food, toiletries and medicine, and all of my important paperwork and documents. It will be nice to finally know where things are (or at least where things should be).

There is certainly an air of impermanence about this apartment; sorting my belongings into cheap, plastic baskets only served to highlight that. I have one pair of sheets (bright blue and not altogether comfortable), my humungous suitcase doubles as a nightstand, and my few pictures Scotch-taped to the dirty white walls hardly add color or ambience.

And this is all OK.

I know I will not live in this apartment forever, and the fact that it is not the most comfortable or the most charming only affords me the courage and the strength to move on and to move forward—to continue my journey to all corners of the Earth and to never become stagnant. I’m young, and I am idealistic. I am (mostly) confident in my decisions; I am willing, and I am able. I am open to most things, and I don’t feel the need to stay tied to something just for the sake of being tied—feeling stable and secure and safe. I am excited about where I am and about what I’m doing, but I’m also excited about the next thing. There is a balance to be found in this—in staying and in going, in searching and in finding—and I will eventually discover it. For now, I will allow other deadlines to guide me—the ending of semesters, the changing of seasons, the realization that something’s just not meant for me. I am responsible and committed; I will do what I came here to do, and then I will move on. It won’t be long before my suitcase is re-packed and hauled off to another faraway destination.

As they say: “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.”