To Go to Thailand or To Stay Home?

So Thailand….it’s the purpose of this blog, it’s been the plan for months now, it’s been what I thought I really wanted. So why now in these last couple weeks have I been having mini freak outs almost every day? Maybe because it’s getting closer, it’s getting more real. Maybe because I don’t want to leave behind this amazing life I’ve created with the incredible people who make my heart sing when I’m around them. Maybe it’s because I’m actually not strong enough and I’ve been trying to fool myself this whole time.

It might even be a combination of all of these things, but really I think I’m freaking out because I’m scared, really truly scared. Scared of the unknown, scared that I’ll fail, scared that I’ll come home to nothing and no one. Scared that this isn’t the right choice for me and maybe I should be doing something more responsible and working on creating a more permanent life for myself and actually try becoming more of an adult, you know one of those people with a “career” that actually has benefits and things.

But because I’m scared, actually terrified, that’s why I need to leave. I need to go and get out of my comfort zone. I need to leave behind this warm cozy home of Tucson with the people that make me jump for joy and the jobs, that although not necessarily always secure, make me feel incredibly blessed because I get to interact and help people I love.

I need to leave all of this behind and jump into the unknown, because I need to grow. I need to know that things aren’t always going to comfortable, and that my life truly begins when I face all the fears that scream in my face. I’m stronger than those fears; I will catch myself if I fall and I won’t come home to nothing and no one because I have incredible people in my life that are excited for my journey and know, even when I don’t, that it’s the right thing for me.

So Thailand….I’m coming for you. I’m going to be scared and I’m probably going to keep having doubts, but I’m not going to let those doubts stand in my way. I want to keep creating a life that makes me feel blessed and amazed. I want a life of adventure, passion, and one filled with joy, and achieving that means traveling, diving straight into fear and coming out the other side stronger than ever. I will go to Thailand and teach kids English and explore the country and get to know the Thai people and it will be incredible, even when it’s uncomfortable. So here’s to 2016 and facing all the fears that try and tell you that you’re not good enough; because you are, you are so good enough.